1. Buy a package of Keebler’s E.L. Fudge Sandwich Cookies and hand them out to children saying this is what happens to the bad elves.
2. Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children that they’ve been naughty and won’t be getting any presents this year.
3. Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children you are sick of the milk and cookies crap and you’d prefer a beer and some hot wings instead.
4. Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand on the corner saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!" as women walk by.
5. Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.
6. Call Park Rangers in your area and tell them Rudolph is sick. Ask if you can borrow one of their reindeers. If they tell you no, then yell at them telling them they are heartless souls for ruining Christmas for all the children around the world.
7. Post a sign in front yard that says Carolers Welcome. Then when they get almost to the front door turn on the sprinklers.
8. Sell jars of water, advertising them as Frosty the Snowman urns.
9. Decorate the yard for the holidays… using your neighbor’s decorations.
10. Stand on a street corner selling dime bags of mistletoe.